Nick Doidge

Or did I just build on sand?

Truth be told, life seems solid enough.

But these grains, these assumptions, these fragments of rock, past memories, unexcavated, unnumbered, and unscaped on the land leave a barren, unfertile soul amidst my outline.

Damn bedrock, 400ft down through clay and rock. With only patches of loam uncultivated and forgotten until a tremble from the belly, a laugh from the face shifts up the dormant dirt.

They deserved bedrock.

I deserve bedrock.

So I grab my shovel and begin again.

Just 399 feet to go.

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The moon pasted itself on the sky like her painting.

Crisp and clean.

Outshining the stars.

Backdrop black and drooping.

Like the contorted face of the pain that once felt

but didn’t quite know what to do.

The canvas flat.

The edges damaged.

But isn’t that where life is?

Between the paint, the fibers, and the wood?

God how I miss those nights.

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Have you ever been on a sad river?

The water sloshes around like a full belly of alcohol.

No serenity. No tranquility.

Just movement.

Imbalanced and perilous.

Doesn’t matter the boat.

Sure upgrade from canoe to yacht.

The sad river flows regardless of your horde.

I lost a paddle there once, a lifejacket and a shoe.

Came up vomiting the remainder of a past memory.

What a nightmare it was.

What a glorious epitome of beauty it could have been.

Fuck.

And the beavers at the bar think I’m the crazy one!

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Ripples.

Who am I kidding?

A patchwork quilt of lies and biology

roaming, unhitched in the vast ocean.

Buckle up.

Show some optimism.

Grit your teeth.

Suffer in silence.

Life swells in heat

And constricts in cold.

You are not alone in this princess.

Thank you. Appreciate the advice.

Keep quiet. Head down. And take it.

Hell, how else can the insurance get paid.

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Photo by Jackson Blackhurst on Unsplash

If you’re interested in it, you’ll learn it.

If you feel you should learn it, it’ll be a struggle.

Frustration is the sign of an unmindful approach;

or an unmindful path.

Walking your own path is made more difficult if always looking at others walking theirs.

Yet, there’s a balance between acceptance of genuine feedback and walking your own tune.

That balance comes from honest communication and stillness.

And both beget connection,

with others and with yourself.

You read and seek.

But when settled, you already know what to do.

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